By Dr. Zev Ballen
Rachel's son, Mark, was unable to support himself and his wife while he was studying for Rabbinical ordination. They moved in with Rachel and her husband. Rachel responded outwardly with chesed (kindness). She shopped and cooked and cleaned for the young couple. She cleaned their dirty dishes. She did their laundry and picked up after them. Rachel even paid their bills and made sure that they had money in their pockets. This continued for several years.
Having consumed all of the books and CD's of Rabbi Arush, Rachel never once uttered a word of criticism or rebuke to her guests. Finally they had one fight. The couple moved out and it has been years since Rachel has spoken with them.
Rachel was still refusing to speak with her son when she sought my "help". She wanted someone to listen to her anger and pain but she refused to work on herself. She would only speak about "them." She felt justified in her anger and hoped that I would accept her right to stay angry. She ceremonially exempted herself from the fulfillment of her primary purpose in this world which is to get along with other people. The problem was not that Rachel lacked kindness and generosity. She had more of these qualities than most people. The problem was that she had not been honest. She had not been willing to admit that it is wrong to harbor resentments toward her son and his wife. Yes, Rachel "acted" like a perfect saint. She never once made a complaint or criticism of her guests. Internally, however, Rachel judged them to be lazy. She felt superior to them. She felt entitled to be honored by them and secretly wanted to control them. Rachel wanted them to seek her advice. Inwardly, Rachel was furious at her son though she never made a peep. You can see the whole article right here.
Wishing you Blessings Always,
Dr. Zev Ballen