The Teenage Wall
If 'grown ups' grow by
kicking against obstacles, the same certainly holds true of teenagers.
Adolescents need us, their parents, to be their 'wall', that they can
bounce off - and any type of wall is better than no 'wall' at all. When
the parents give up, and let their kid do whatever they want, because
'he's beyond help', that's when the kid is going to go even crazier. We
parents have to stand firm, and be the wall of defense that surrounds
the child and the home. We have to set appropriate limits for our
children, but we have to enforce them with kindness. We must have rules,
but we need to implement them without anger, viciousness, or taking
revenge on our children.
G-d knows that the nature
of man is to want to avenge even the smallest dints to his pride. That's
why there are all those passages talking about 'an eye for an eye', or,
'a tooth for a tooth'. Taking revenge is human nature. Why? Because G-d
made us that way. Why? Because He wants us to grow and beat out of
ourselves all these animal characteristics, and to make a real decision to have a spiritual life.
As a parent, we will face
countless challenges to our pride and our authority as our children grow
up. We'll have umpteen opportunities, every single day, to choose to
grow, spiritually, or to impose our will on our children with threats,
anger and 'punishments'. Once we start choosing to live a spiritual
life, we won't argue or fight with anyone, any more. Even if we're right
(and as parents, aren't we always 'right'?) - we're still going to back
down, and we're going to send a very clear signal to our children that
we are willing to go the distance for them, to be a good person, and
parent in the G-d-centric way that G-d really wants.
The moment of death
I've
been with a lot of people in the minutes and hours before they were
about to pass away. It's amazing to see the radical personality changes
that can happen with a terminally-ill person who knows they are about to
die.
This insight into our final
moments on earth was one of the biggest gifts of my life, because
people who are about to pass on to the next world don't fake it. All of a
sudden, they have clarity about what's really important in life. And
it's not money; it's not their degrees; it's not the honor that other
people give them. What It boils down to is simply how much love they
received, how much love they gave, and the quality of their
relationships with their friends and relatives.
Please G-d, we'll all be
around until 120 years old, but we don't have to wait until those final
moments to start making a thorough accounting of our own 'relationship
equations', starting with our families. Click here for the conclusion...
Remember, blessed friends,
Live strong, live with emuna!
Dr. Zev Ballen
Here's more great reading:
The Cow Comes, the Cow Goes - By Rabbi Shalom Arush
The Marital Sandtrap - By Rabbi Lazer Brody
A Search for Identity - By Rivka Levy
Blessing the Beautiful - By Rabbi Lazer Brody
The First Haircut - By Tal Rotem
A Walking Billboard - By Racheli Reckles
The Dollar on the Wall - Rabbi David Charlop
