Emuna Therapy

The Shavuot Experience

 

Your self has certain invisible personal boundaries which at times separate you from other people and the beautiful flow of life around you. We need our personal boundaries for our sense of individuality and identity and yet when our boundaries become a bit too rigid, then we may feel somewhat anxious, lonely, irritable or like you're carrying the burden of the whole world on your shoulders. If you ever experience any of these unpleasant symptoms try this:

1. Close your eyes and imagine that you are standing with hundreds of thousands of people at Mount Sinai at the historic giving of the Torah ( by giving us His Torah, G-d, is about to transform the whole world from a barren wilderness into a world with spiritual existence).

2. Imagine, in your own way, your personal boundaries sort of dissolving or melting away as you breath and allow yourself to feel more at one with the others and with Hashem.

3. Allow yourself to let go and feel the blissful oneness of being connected to the One cosmic soul that joins you to EVERYBODY and EVERYTHING.

4. As you are becoming more connected with others and the flow of life, your personal problems, pains and worries are simply dissipating and flowing away and you are able to stop all your striving and just yield to G-d!

Happy Shavuot, cherished friends,

Dr. Zev Ballen

The Misery of Wealth

In my work as a psychotherapist, I've met people who made millions of dollars, and I honestly can't think of one who is really happy. How many people do we all know who think that a lottery win is going to solve all of their problems? But when they did a study on big lottery winners, they found that most of the time, the 'big win' just buried the 'lucky winners' under a pile of emotional, and even financial, problems.  They didn't pray for the money and as a result, it didn't come with a blessing. They had just as many problems as before, maybe even more.
 
Earning happiness
 
This brings us to a very important point, that people need to work, earn, and sweat a bit to get vitality and a delicious feeling from their accomplishments. And 'work' isn't only what we do in the office from 9 to 5. Primarily, it's the work that we all need to do on ourselves, to create the spiritual vessels we need to hold all the abundance that G-d wants to give us. And we can only do this key, spiritual work if we are using the right tools and methodology for the job, that's being transmitted to us straight from our Sages.
 
Secular psychology has some great methodology, but by itself, that's not enough. Apart from all the physical tangibles and status symbols, we also need to know what to focus on in our lives to be really successful and fulfilled, and that wisdom we can only get from our Torah sages. Oftentimes, the things our rabbis will tell us to focus on are exactly those things that many of us sacrifice in our pursuit of financial or career success. Things like enjoying our lives and living passionately; or having a good, solid, loving relationship with our spouse; or being a good parent - all these things can be dropped by the wayside, in our mad dash after bigger homes, bigger bank accounts and fancier vacations than the neighbors.
 
Who do we want to be successful for?
 
Really, we can sum up the formula for success and fulfillment in one sentence: who do we want  to be successful for?
 
One hard and fast rule that emerged from dealing with all these 'successful' people is that none of them felt fulfilled when they were only working for their own success and gratification. I'm not talking about lazy people here, or people who achieved their wealth the easy way, via a lottery win or windfall. These people put in an awful lot of effort; they slogged away for long days and nights of hard work, and they were super-organized and very efficient.  Even so, if they were only working for their own self-aggrandizement, honor or wealth, they still didn't feel fulfilled, even when they reached and even surpassed the financial or career milestones they'd set for themselves.
 
In some cases, not only did they not feel fulfilled, they even felt more sad and broken than when they'd started out. Here they were, they'd reached the peak of success and they still didn't feel so great. So then, they'd fall into depression and start asking themselves what was the point of it all? What else was there to live for? What was left to strive for, or to achieve?
 
Tony Robbins is a very popular, successful and famous motivational speaker. He once said that he was in the middle of giving one of his motivational seminars, when during a break, his stock broker called him and told him that his investments had just made him $400 million. That's a tremendous amount of money, more than most of us could ever hope to make in a lifetime. Robbins said that it felt good to hear that he made so much money but not as good as you might expect. He said that what was really giving him a lift was being at his seminar, and seeing how he was inspiring and helping other people. He went home that night, and he explains that his marriage was going through a very rough time. When he and his wife got into yet another conflict, he explained, all the remaining good feeling from the $400 million practically evaporated.
 
Money, even a lot of it, is not the panacea for happiness and fulfillment that so many of us believe it to be. So if money is not going to make us fulfilled, what is?

 

Looking for more good reading? Here's my prescription for this week:

Jealousy and Sibling Rivalry - By Rabbi Shalom Arush

G-d of Rebbe Meir, Answer Me! - By Tal Rotem

It's Not What We See - By Rabbi Lazer Brody

Can't Buy You Love - By Dovber HaLevi

Reversing Low Self-Esteem - By Rivka Levy

The Secret of Joy - By Racheli Reckles

The Main Course - By Tal Rotem

Rashbi's Passing - By Rabbi Moshe Miller

America Tomorrow - By Howard Morton

The Shabbat of History - By Rabbi David Charlop

Remember - Live Strong, Live with Emuna!

Dr. Zev Ballen

No Secrets

Why keep your personal "deficits" a secret -  there's nothing to feel embarrassed about - they are your greatest assets! It's the subject of this week's video lesson and my gift to you!

Wishing you a great week!

Dr. Zev Ballen

 

Depressed? So What!

Depression doesn't have to be the knock-out punch for everything else in your life. Once you realize that depression doesn't have to be a funeral march, and it doesn't have to kill you, you'll be the happiest, highest-functioning, most optimistic depressed person you ever met. With Hashem there are no rules that restrict you from being very happy while you are still depressed. Don't believe anything that you ever read or heard to the contrary. Remember, that we are entering the World of Emuna, where everything is run by Hashem, and anything is possible. Continue reading...

Here's some more great reading material for the week:

Save the Trees - By Rabbi Lazer Brody 

First, the Peel - by Rabbi Shalom Arush

The Look of Love - By Racheli Reckles

The Two Voices - By Rivka Levy

From Head to Toe - By Chaya Golda Ovadia

Divine Illuminations - By Yael Karni

The Fantasy Horse - Tal Rotem

Here to Stay - Tal Rotem 

The Tenth Man - Rabbi Lazer Brody

The Kiss from Above - Rabbi David Charlop

Don't for get to say Parshas HaMan today in order to have a good livelihood. Hashem please send material abundance now! Rabbi Brody has a copy of the text for you right here.

Have a Blessed day,

Dr. Zev Ballen

 

A Vote For Happiness

Here's a real treat for the English-speaking world, a short but very inspiring clip of Rav Arush giving us great strength and hope. Watch it a few times and let the message sink in! (its also a good way to start learning Hebrew) Courtesy of Breslev Israel. Enjoy!

With Blessings,

Dr. Zev Ballen

 

With Blessings,

Dr. Zev Ballen

 

Emuna Tele-Classes Today

Dear cherished friend,

Do you need some sound advice in some area of your life? Would you prefer to speak to an experienced professional who works exclusively from an emuna orientation?

I am available to you for two hours today. You can call in and speak with me anonymously if you wish; or feel free to just listen and learn from the other callers.

Simply dial your county's phone number below and enter access code: 218660. 

Choose from two classes: 10-11am Israel time or 7-8pm Israel time.

Obviously I'm hoping to have the opportunity to speak with you personally. 

Live with strength and live with joy.

Blessings,

Dr. Zev

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It's Easy To Change

What is stopping you from having the life and the relationships that you want? What is shaping and controlling your choices and your emotions? Why do we do the things we do? If its so easy to change how we think and feel, why don't we? The answers to these questions and much more are here in this video. It's my gift to you!

 

A young woman who is frightened of many things feels better after speaking to Hashem but the relief is only temporary. You can see how I advised her in this week's copy of our parsha newsletter:  Download CSC NL Week 38 Ki Tetzei.

May you and your loved ones be inscribed and sealed in the Good Book of Life for the coming year!

Good Shabbos!

Dr. Zev Ballen

Why Wedding Bell Blues

 
 

By Dr. Zev Ballen                        

For anyone who has implemented  Rabbi Shalom Arush's phenomenally successful advice for a winning marriage, the following research published in Psychology Today is impossible to imagine.

Researchers Allison Scott and Laura Stafford found that one out of ten women experience depression in the first year of marriage.

What is leading newlywed couples to experience this post-wedding let down?

They interviewed a group of newlywed women who became depressed after their weddings to try to determine the reason.

The results:

"The women had funneled all of their time and energy into planning their big day, and now they weren’t quite sure what to do with themselves...The depressed brides viewed their weddings as the end goal. In contrast, happy brides viewed their weddings as the start of a new chapter."

According to the US Census Bureau there are  2.3 million couples getting married every year in the US. According to the study published in Psychology Today, this means that 230,000 women a year are becoming depressed after their wedding day in the U.S. alone! 

Here is one of the "tips" that the researchers recommend to young couples to prevent viewing the wedding day as an end in itself:

1. Restrict talking about your wedding to a few nights a month, and speak instead about non-wedding things together.

With all due respect, I have a different recommendation. For men it is to read The Garden of Peace. For women - read Women's Wisdom. These books became instant best sellers in Israel for a reason. Rabbi Arush, whose track record as a marital counselor is simply phenomenal, only gives advice that is girded firmly in the foundations of Talmudic and Jewish esoteric thought - every page is crystal clear and reader friendly and can help people from all backgrounds regardless of whether you are planning your wedding or need an improvement in your current marriage. You can order the books right here.

With Blessings,

Dr. Zev Ballen 

Photo Credit: travelingrhinos 

The Very First Words

By Dr. Zev Ballen

Rabbi Lazer Brody, who for years has been a steadfastly loyal pupil of Rav Shalom Arush, told me that though many people know that Rav Arush is a tzaddik, they still don't know what level of tzaddik he is - his spiritual powers are simply awesome.
 
The following two stories prove it.
 
I heard from Rav Dror Moshe Cassuto that there was a large gathering of people, here in Israel, several years ago. Thousands of people came to participate and hear a panel of distinguished Rabbis speak. 
 
The organizer of this event had the merit to drive Rabbi Dovid Stern from Bnei Brak to the gathering. Rabbi Dovid Stern is the son of one of the thirty-six hidden tzaddikim of our generation.  On the way, in the car, the organizer of the event remarked to Rabbi Dovid Stern,  

that there is someone who makes CD's, his name is Shalom Arush.  He said, 'I simply cannot stand to hear that man's voice.' 
 
Rabbi Dovid looked the man squarely in the eyes and said: 'You obviously don't know who you are speaking about. Rabbi Shalom Arush has achieved something than no human being has achieved since the creation of the world.' 
 
If you have any doubt about it - read this:
 
My chavrusa (study partner) told me this story. He heard it from Rav Dror.
 
There was a man living here in Israel. He was a non-religious Jew whose wife divorced him. The man was given a terrible judgment in court. He had to pay almost his whole salary to his ex-wife every month. As time went on, he became more and more depressed.  It was bad enough to lose his family, but to work like a dog for the rest of his life and have nothing for himself - that was too much to bear. He decided he would end his life. 
 
He took his car out on the highway. He put his foot all the way down on the accelerator and thought that eventually he would crash into something - then his suffering would be over. 
 
The car raced up to 90mph...then 100mph...then 115mph - When all of a sudden, the young man saw one of Rabbi Shalom Arush's CD's sitting next to him.  One of Rabbi Shalom Arush's students had given it to him at an intersection. He had never listened to it. 
 
Seconds away from disaster, his hand inexplicably reached for the CD. He thought that if he listened to it as he was leaving this world at least he would go out listening to something holy. He was hoping that this would help him in the next world. He shoved the disk into the player and hit the button a few times. By now he was flying at 120 mph. He didn't care about listening to the disk from the beginning. It started someone in the middle. 
 
The very first words that he heard Rabbi Shalom say were: "WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF?" Continue here...

Have a Blessed week!

Dr. Zev Ballen

The Thread Of Happiness

By Dr. Zev Ballen

I stood fixated by the beautiful architecture of the modern-day mansion before me. My eyes greedily surveyed the opulent curves of its large archways; its intricate brickwork, numerous rooms and terraces. The lavish garden surrounding the house, features  beautiful custom made benches and chairs on a spacious lawn. All around are a wide variety of rare looking flowers and trees - everything is perfectly arranged. A magnificent brick wall, iron gate and tree-lined fence surrounds the property.
 
Tucked away at the far end of an old charedi neighborhood, the mansion  conspicuously dwarfs the old apartments that surround it. It's size and opulence appear almost obscene in that context.
 
Nevertheless, I like to walk there at night. It is a quiet and pleasant place to think and pray. Tonight, more than ever before, I was drawn to the sheer beauty of the balconies and the huge chandelier which was visible through the window. A gentle breeze carried a delicious fragrance of flower blossoms through the tall fence to where I stood on the street. I was starting to lose myself. A wish to enjoy and possess this house was pulling me away from my prayers. 
 
The power of imagine took hold of me - I entered another 'world' but not a good one. Suddenly I was walkingthrough the rooms ofmy mansion, rubbing my hand along my expensive furnishings, admiring my artwork. And, at last, even taking my place at the head of a long table before hundreds of illustrious guests. I was about to deliver an important message when, thank G-d, I woke up.
 
'Master of the Universe, what's going on here!? I came outside to speak to You, and I'm stealing my neighbors house?'
 
The truth is I wouldn't know what to do with his house. It would be nothing but headaches for me to own it. Who has the time to think about all the details of decorating such a house and maintaining it in style? What would I do when items need replacing? Where will I ever find replacements for those fancy faucets and toilet seats? Nothing is a standard size. If I was the owner, the mansion would lose its majesty. It wouldn't be long before many items would need fixing and the garden would look neglected. 
 
After praying in synagogue, Torah learning, personal prayer and spreading my Rebbe's teachings - how much time would be left for me to replace those weird looking bulbs overlooking my private ballroom or that cracked tile in the front hallway? If I stay where I live now, a cracked tile adds character to the old building; but in a mansion? ze past nisht! (it's really in poor taste!). It's a full-time job to own such a house.
 
Some of the most profoundly depressed people that I've treated as a psychotherapist were fabulously wealthy. Not only did their riches not help them, but their anxiety and depression was exacerbated by their wealth.
 
One of my patients was worth hundreds of millions of dollars. He used to pick up the phone and give away a million dollars on the spot to a good cause. I used to travel to his mansion because he was too frightened and depressed to ever leave it. Once my patient gave a million dollars to big Jewish organization that helps very sick children...Continue here.

With Blessings,

Dr. Zev Ballen