Emuna Therapy

Repetition Compulsion

 

 

image credit: Lou_Tickle

There's a businessman who's having a hard time. The recession has hit, and he's overstocked on merchandise. All of a sudden, the business that he's been building up for years starts sinking. In the meantime, he promised his wife a certain standard of living when they got married, and now he can't deliver on what he promised.

The problem didn't start with the business sinking. The problem started right back at the beginning of the marriage, when the man made a lot of mistakes and failed to treat his wife like an adult, and a real partner in his life. He didn't share what's really going on in his life, in his head, and make her feel important and significant and valued as a person in her own right.

He figured he'd let his money do the talking for him - which kind of worked when he had the money to give her. But now? Now she's feeling left out and resentful and angry. As a result, she's continuing to spend the money that they don't have - and that she doesn't even really want to be spending!

Why is this happening?

It's happening because the husband is failing to meet the wife's deeper needs. It looks like they are fighting over the money, but really, that's a minor detail. When he's telling his wife that they don't have the money, and he's having a go at her for overspending, what he's really saying is that he feels his wife is somehow sabotaging him, and that she doesn't want his efforts to turn things around economically to succeed. He's telling her that she's making him feel as though he's a failure.

In return, the wife feels even less loved and even more punished by her husband, and we have a classic vicious cycle, or what we call the 'Crazy 8' pattern, which just keeps going round and round, making both sides crazier and crazier.

No one can stand the pain and discomfort and reinforced negativity of being in a 'Crazy 8' pattern for long. Let's remember: they aren't really fighting about the money. Once the husband realizes that his wife has some deeper needs that he hasn't been fulfilling since way back when they first got married, he'll start trying to fulfil them. And when he does, the money issue all but disappears. It's practically gone. Why? Because now, the wife is receiving much more unconditional love and giving from her husband. He's making an effort to be home for dinner more; to spend more quality time with her and the kids, and to take the kids out more. He's holding back all the critical remarks and anger and resentment that he sometimes still feels. But even when those feelings well up, he's holding them back - and that is making all the difference in the world to his relationship with his wife.

He knows he's got a lot of mistakes to fix from the beginning of the marriage, but with emuna, he can undo them all, very quickly.

Deeper needs

The following 'deeper needs' are universal, and apply to men, women, children and everyone:

•  To feel loved and connected
• To be understood
• To feel important to others
• To have someone who will go the distance for you - whatever it takes, they will put themselves on the line for you
• To believe and contribute to "something" bigger than yourself

When it comes to us and our relationships, we have to ask ourselves: how far would I actually go to help that person, and to be with them in their trials and tribulations? Can I give them my all? 100%? Do I really have that love in me?

The answer is, yes, you do! But most of us really don't know that it's there. If we haven't pushed ourselves, or demanded it from ourselves, or unleashed it, then we haven't yet accessed that real, deep, love that we actually feel towards our spouses and kids, and also towards ourselves. That love is so very powerful. But most of us haven’t got anywhere near harnessing it properly, yet.

So instead, we get caught up in our heads, trying to work out and strategise 'what to do' about specific people, situations or problems. We forget that we love these people, and that our love for them is so powerful, it can push through anything. But before we can harness our love, we first have to be connected to it. Only once we connect to it, can we share it with our spouses, kids, colleagues, friends, neighbours, ourselves, and also G-d.

Love is the power that will bring Moshiach. Love is Hashem Himself. Love is Hashem's greatest midda, or character trait. Hashem loves everyone and everything He created, and His love is perfect and unlimited.

Of course, we're not Hashem! We are human and limited, and our love has flaws and limitations and biases. But we can still aspire to emulate Hashem to the best of our abilities. In fact, that 's the purpose of our life - to emulate G-d and perfect our character. We have to strive to live by the spiritual values that will prepare us and groom us to be able to make the right choices.

With Blessings,

Dr. Zev Ballen

 

The Mystical You

By Dr. Zev Ballen

There is a part of your brain that is beyond time and space - it's called your Neshoma or Divine Soul. How can you access and use your Neshoma in your everyday life? This training-video will get you started.

 

One Short Prayer

 

 

by Dr. Zev Ballen

Moshe is a 25 year old, married, Yeshiva student who requested clinical hypnosis for his symptoms of anxiety.  An intelligent person - Moshe was aware that the source of his anxiety came from the improper way that he was learning Torah. Instead of learning in order to give pleasure to Hashem, Moshe was learning to give pleasure to himself.  Instead of appreciating that Hashem gave him a good mind in order to make a huge contribution to the world; Moshe was learning in order to achieve fame for himself.
 
Moshe left Hashem no choice. Hashem would not let Moshe just throw away the valuable talents that He had given to him.  Hashem had to show Moshe that there was something much better than running after his own honor.  Hashem sent Moshe the gift of anxiety, and self-persecutory thoughts in order to help him to see the silliness of serving himself and not Hashem.
 
I asked Moshe: What good would hypnosis do without basic emuna? How would even profound relaxation help him if he continued to think about his situation in the same self-defeating way? Moshe understood this intellectually but was still frightened that by relinquishing  his wish for honor that he would not want to learn at all. He was frightened that he would become the stereotypical Breslever - "who accomplishes nothing in learning because he is too busy dancing with emuna like a simpleton in the street." Moshe was inconsolable. He knew that he  desperately needed emuna but actually feared it would destroy him. He wanted to trust me as a representative of the Truth - the teachings of the tzadikkim -  yet he could trust nobody except himself. What was he to do?  Fortunately for Moshe, there was no one for him to speak to about this. Hashem arranged it so that he would not listen to me or anyone else.  Continue reading here...

 

Imagine, Only Good Thoughts

 

 

In this classic footage of Rabbi Shalom Arush that was filmed and translated by Rav Lazer Brody, the Rav reveals how he worked on himself to become a person who enjoys only wonderful wholesome thoughts and has no negative thoughts whatsoever. In these precious eight minutes, the Rav reveals the essence of Emuna Therapy and how it differs from secular therapy. Based on a teaching of Rebbe Nachman of Breslev, the Rav explains that a person is essentially made up of his thoughts and that the goal must be to overcome unwholesome thoughts with good thoughts.  The failure of secular therapy results from people trying to battle against bad thoughts on their own. The Rav says that we can only succeed by inputting a large amount of new information from outside of ourselves (the Torah). Then we will start thinking differently. The Rav admits that when he first started out, as a young bal teshuva, he too had many bad and unwholesome thoughts but that he didn't confuse himself and pressure himself about this. Instead he accepted that this was the level that he was on and simply decided that he had to study and work hard to put good data into his brain. He was successful because he programmed himself like a computer with a large amount of "new data" about emuna. By immersing ourselves in learning about emuna and talking to Hashem, the Rav says that we too can be completely free of negativity. Enjoy!

Wishing you Blessings Always,

Dr. Zev Ballen

 

Emuna For Post-Traumatic Stress Reaction

by Dr. Zev Ballen

 

Dear Dr. Ballen,

I have been reading the Garden of Gratitude and read the point that if you thank Hashem for an hour each day for the good and for the seemingly not so positive in your life that you will see miracles happen to you.

Here's what happened to me:

I started doing this for an hour a day, even more for the tribulations than the good stuff, which are many in my life. Then I had what was for me a nightmare come up--a root canal, and I am the biggest baby in the world when it comes to dental work. Well, I thanked Hashem for the root canal, every aspect of it (and actually ate more comfortably on that side of my mouth than in the last 3 years).. I then had some foot pain, which I thanked Hashem for. When my son was just acting like a little kid, after all, I thanked Hashem for the minor tribulation and continued along this way for about 10 days.

Last Friday, I was walking to my workplace in Manhattan. My job is located between 6th and 7th Avenue on 21st Street. Ordinarily I walk right down the middle of the sidewalk to get to work. Before my work building, there are two buildings, an apartment building with a recessed entry and a beauty salon. So here I was walking. First, I am on the right side of the street (my workplace is on the left). I said to myself, this doesn't make sense, so I crossed back over to the left. I then was on the sidewalk in front of the apartment building and took a step toward the recessed entry (not down the middle as usual). IN the split second that it took me to take that step, an out of control construction jeep sped by me and slammed into a cement mini wall of planters near the salon, dislocating the particle board base from the planter. I was holding my hot drink and did not have a hair harmed on my head (Thank you, Hashem). The construction worker looked up as white as a sheet and apologized. I told him we were both very lucky that day. The beauty salon owner told me that the construction jeep weighed at least 500LB. I feel that this was a miracle.

The second miracle was that I did not bring my son to work with me that day, according to my original plan.

I have never seen a miracle before, but this was it! While I am going about my daily life, I also have the feelings of "counter reality" of what if that thing would have hit me. Probably years of rehab and/or surgeries and much pain.

What is the best way to deal with a miracle like this? (We are religious people, so that is already a done deal)

Best,

Helene

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Helene,

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. These are the types of miracles that I am hearing about increasingly from people, like yourself, who are reading Rav Arush's books and doing an hour of hisbodidus daily.  Firstly, you must realize that your soul has undergone changes as a result of the many hours of prayer that you have made. One consequence of your faithful Service to Hashem is that you merited this awesome display of Divine Protection. Nevertheless, it takes time for the physical/psychological self to become acquainted with its new spiritual level. Your spiritual power is simply awesome. The truckers in Manhattan would be wise to stay out of your path.

Helene, in Heaven you have been elevated to an elite group of trusted servants. From Above, they are according you the respect that you have earned. Nevertheless until your psychological and mental apparatus may need more time to integrate this event and you may continue to experience some of the symptoms of post-traumatic stress such as you have described.  

I have seen these type of symptoms thousands of times. Under the circumstances, what you are going through is natural and will certainly pass. In the meantime, I hope the following remarks will be helpful to you:  Part of the "trauma" that you are currently in is that you really did see an open revelation of Hashem's Great Mercy and Love. Like when the Jewish people actually heard Hashem's voice speaking to them from the mountain-top, you too have been overwhelmed by a firsthand encounter with what you simply read about before. Hashem has also given you the gift of realizing how utterly vulnerable and helpless we are without His protection.

At this point Rav Arush would tell you to alter your hisbodidus schedule in the following way. Devote 30 minutes of your daily hisbodidus just to this incident (but not more time than that). Of course ask Hashem to uproot your symptoms, and calm your fears... Beg Him, as Rav Arush says, to fear no-one just The One! Pray to strengthen your emuna and to bond you to His Eternal Holiness. In addition ask Hashem how you can further serve Him...what more does He want from you? Remember that Hashem certainly would not have shown you this miracle if He didn't have something big planned for you in the future. For example: how does he want you to use your increased closeness to Him to help others? Try listening to more emuna CD's during this time. Do you have Reb Lazer's Calming Waters CD? If with all of this, you continue to be bothered by flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, or that sense of "counter-reality", speak with an emuna-based spiritual guide.

Wishing you Blessings Always,

Dr. Zev Ballen

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Thanks, Rabbi Zev,

I will work on including this into my hitboddedut; that seems like it will give a framework for incorporating it much better than thinking about the what ifs, in order to appreciate the Thank God. I forgot to mention that that morning, I only bought a one way ticket into Manhattan. After I did that, I had an ominous feeling--why did I do that, I asked myself. I have been telling the story to everyone and giving them the chiddush (which this was to me) about thanking Hashem for one's supposed tribulations. Personally, I am thanking God that I am, with my two hands, preparing for Pesach, enjoying the spring tree buds and finishing my root canal, Baruch Hashem.

 

Thanks again for answering;

Helene