A
key thing that's weighing down a lot of people's inner joy is our
inflated expectations. The less expectations we have, the better it'll
be for us in every area of our life. Who can be happy living in 300 sqm,
when they expected to be living in double that? Who can be happy with a
B+, when they expected a straight A? Who can be happy earning $100k a
year, when they expected to be making a quarter of a million?
So many of us have
ridiculously high expectations dragging us down all over the place, but
when people have high expectations of their kids, to use a common
'relationships' example, then it's torment for everyone involved. If
your kids aren't living up to your expectations, lower them! Our
expectations of our kids are our problem, and we shouldn't be putting
our problems on our children. They are learning how to be human beings,
and while that process is happening, we need to be shielding them and
defending them from our worries, and from other issues like marital peace or money issues.
These are our
problems, not theirs'. And we'll be able to deal with our problems much
better when we're in a proper, joyful, state of mind. Parents are the
leaders of their families. A lot of people make the mistake of thinking
that 'leading' equates to 'forcing', but that's not what leadership is
really about. We're not talking about a tyrant, or a domestic Saddam
Hussein, we're talking about someone who's inspired, and who has a
vision that they really believe in. A genuine leader has values that
they really believe in, and they are living those values. Regardless of
our age or relationship to them, and when we're around people like that,
it's very inspiring.
Now, let's translate that
definition of leadership into good parenting terms. As a parent, it's
our job to inspire our kids, which means accepting a higher standard of
behavior for ourselves. A parent has to accept the responsibility for
the 'family outcomes', and to accept that the outcome is primarily their
responsibility, not their kids'. Kids are just kids.
Let's take the example of
educating our kids about torah and eternal truths. The 'domestic tyrant
route would be to punish them for every minor infraction of Torah law:
they didn't come to synagogue on time? They're in big trouble! They
didn’t want to pray after the meal? They are going to sit at the table
until they buckle down and do it! Continue here...
Also featured this week:
Turning Bitter into Sweet - By Rabbi Shalom Arush
Wings of Eagles - By Rabbi Lazer Brody
Murky Waters - By Howard Morton
A Garden Paradise - By Rabbi Lazer Brody
Nature's Song - By Rivka Levy
Beauty and Inner Peace - Rabbi Shalom Arush
Inverse Desires - By Racheli Reckles
Like a Rolling Stone - Rabbi Lazer Brody
Mouser Money - By Natalie Kovan
A Book about Humans - By Rabbi Berel Wein
Wishing you Blessings Always,
Dr. Zev Ballen
