Emuna Therapy

Fatherly Love and Purim

Here's a heartwarming clip, just in time for Purim, about a father and son who were worlds apart for twenty years. Hear how they breakthrough their differences and developed a relationship of openness, love and trust.

This message of togetherness is the essense of the holiday of Purim.  I heard the following from Rav Dovid Ostroff. The S'fas Emes says that when B'nei Yisroel (the Jewish people) are united, Amalek (Haman) does not have a hold on them. It is when they are separated and don't have unity, that the enemy can attack them. Haman told Achashveirosh to wipe out the Jewish nation, to which he replied that he cannot, as all nations that attempted to do so were wiped from the face of the earth. Haman countered that the Jews were not unified. 

So Mordechai said to gather them, make unity amongst the Jews, and they became unified because Mordechai showed great love for them even though they partied with Achashveirosh and bowed down to idols (which he had warned them not to do). 

Our unity is our strength, and the removal of our arrogance, which puts walls between us is our main task. 

When the Jewish people saw how much Hashem loved them during their time of strife and despite their not behaving themselves they accepted the Torah with a total love that they didn't have when they "received it" on mount sinai out of fear.

We only know someones true love for us when we see them demonstrate it in hard circumstances.

It will be our total and love and acceptance of each other that will make the future ge'ulah (redemption) so magnificent that it will dwarf the nissim (miracles) of yetsias mitzrayim (the coming out of Egypt). May we see it soon!

Dr. Zev Ballen

By the way, if you'd like to be friends on facebook, don't be shy. You can connect to me right here!

And, there's more! If you want to see the best Shabbos and Purim newsletter around, you can get your copy right here:  Download CSC NL Week 20 Tetzaveh.

 

 

Tale of a Wise Mother

In this short clip, you'll hear the story of how a very wise mother responded when her daughter was caught cheating on a test.

 

On a related topic, I was asked by a conflicted mother regarding the best way to advise her college bound son. You can read my answer in this week's parsha newsletter:  Download CSC NL Week 19 Terumah.

Bye the way, if you'd like to be friends on facebook don't be shy. All you've got to do is request it here!

Have a wonderful Shabbos Kodesh,

Dr. Zev Ballen

Helping our Children to Succeed

 

image credit:SWEET DREAMS 

Barbara Rumain, Ph.D. is a psychologist at Touro college in Brooklyn, New York. She has written an outstanding article about how teachers and parents can help our children to  develop self-efficacy, and self-esteem, and become the successful adults that they are meant to be. Here is a short exerpt from the article. The citation to the full text is below:

In the famous "blue eyes brown eyes" experiment, Jane Elliott, an elementary school teacher in the 196O's, told her students that in a particular week the students with one eye color were "superior" and had privileges that the other students didn't have. The "superior" students actually performed better during the weeks they were "superior" than during the weeks that they weren't superior. Isn't that remarkable! Thinking you'll do better actually results in your doing better! Think what a powerful technique that is!

In light of all this, let's consider a not so uncommon elementary school scenario. Josh is a 1st grader, presently completing first grade, who is not doing well. There is talk both in school and at home about Josh not being promoted to second grade.The parents are concemed about his being held over and Josh hears conversations his parents have with each other voicing their concern. If Josh may think that he is failing because he is'nt smart, this is further stacking the cards against his doing well in second grade. Even if he has enough self-esteem not to think that, at the very least he may think that somehow he must be doing something different from the other children since they are doing well enough to be promoted and he is not.

Meanwhile, at the school the prospective second grade teacher, Mrs.Jones, may at the end of the semester begetting the "scoop" from the first grade teacher about what the kids in the class are like in order to know what to expect next year. She hears about Josh and forms an expectation about him accordingly. But what's in the teacher's head determines his performance next year! Mrs. Jones should not be privy to information from the first grade teacher.One might argue that Mrs. Jones might use the information she has about Josh to help him do better. But that's not what found in a famous study by Rosenthal and Jacobson (see citation below).

The teacher's knowledge of negative information about a child worked only to the child's detriment. Even if Josh is promoted to second grade, the entire situation has greatly undermined his ability to succeed. 

By the way, if you'd like to be friends on facebook, don't be shy. You can connect to me right here!

How Can We Help Our Children Succeed? Insights from the Psychological Literature: Rumain, Barbara. Education. Winter 2010, Vol. 131 Issue 2, p315-318. 4p.

Rosenthal, R.; Jacobson, L. (1968). Pygmalion in the classroom. New York: Holt, Rinehart & Winston.

Live Broadcast Today - How Love Grows

    

 

Photo by ♥ Minnie | Photography ♥

With the US divorce rate climbing to almost 60%, marital experts are suggesting that we consider the reasons why marriages based on more traditional values are doing so much better. What do 22 marriages where love has grown have in common despite being from nine countries and five religions? You'll be amazed at the answer!

G-d Willing we'll be broadcasting today's lesson live from the Chut Shel Chesed Yeshiva in Jerusalem at 5:00 PM Israel time.

The broadcast, as well as my lessons posted are Mac and iPod compatible. If you tune in too early to the live broadcast link, you'll be sent to the main page of the Breslev Israel website, so try to tune in as follows:

7:00 AM in LA and the West Coast, 8:00 AM Denver, 9:00 AM Mexico and Central Daylight, 10 AM EDT, 3 PM in the UK, 5:00 PM Johannesburg and Capetown, 5:00 PM Israel. G-d willing, we'll try and post a link to the lesson for all those who couldn't see it live by 12:o1 AM Monday morning. If you can't see the broadcast, you might need to download a new version of Flash Media player, which you can do here.

With Blessings,

Dr. Zev Ballen

"Disruptive" Kids Balance Families

Say you're a parent with a disrespectful, disruptive child. A child who's acting out, and child who's going off the path, G-d forbid. The normal, natural initial response for a parent is to ask themselves: what's going on here? Why is this good? But then, we can take it up a level: Why is this happening? What's the message? How can I relate to this in a productive way?
 
Here's one possible idea: Kids are the purest beings on the planet. (We were that way too, when we were kids.) All kids have the intention, deep down, to be helpful to their parents. If that kid is misbehaving, acting out, off the derech, in a certain sense, it means they've taken control of the family. It's unhealthy, yes, but kids need connection, attention, parents.
 
If the parents are struggling; if the family unit is breaking apart; that kid doesn't want to have a divorce in the family, G-d forbid. If the only way he can keep his family intact is by creating an emergency situation, or 'shock', then that's what he's going to do.
 
I've never seen a divorce in a family where a kid was suicidal, anorexic, or self-mutilating...See more here...

There's no better web-magazine with which to feed your soul than breslev.co.il. Here's our great line-up of articles for this week. By the way, the website is multi-lingual: English, Spanish, French, Russian, Hebrew and Deutsch:

 The Tenth Man - By Rabbi Lazer Brody

Moshiach with a Smile - By Rabbi Shalom Arush (translated by Rabbi Lazer Brody)

Fearless Frogs - By Tal Rotem

Peace Now and Always - By Dovber Halevi

Our True Mission - Rick Eskenazi

The Easy Hard Test - By Racheli Reckles

Head Above Water - By Chaya Golda Ovadia

Restoration and Reforestation - By Rabbi Lazer Brody

The Upside-Down World - By Rivka Levy

The Big Ten - By Rabbi David Charlop

With Blessings,

Dr. Zev Ballen

Fulfilling Our Deepest Needs

Humans have eight emotional needs that must be fulfilled in one way or another - healthy or unhealthy. In this broadcast, I speak about this in relation to three couples and one individual receiving Emuna Coaching. I'm bringing this to you, courtesy of Breslev Israel. It's our gift to you!

Have a great week,

Dr. Zev Ballen

 

Power Parenting

The Ballen family moved last week and I didn't have much time to prepare for this broadcast - so I used the time I had to pray - Hashem answered me with loving-kindness -  and I think it's one of my best. I hope you enjoy it!

Every Blessing,

Dr. Zev Ballen

 

Live Broadcast - Power Parenting

 

image credit: jfelege

Today's broadcast is called Power Parenting.  G-d Willing you can see the broadcast today, Wednesday at 5:00 PM Israel time at the Chut Shel Chessed Yeshiva, 13 Shmuel Hanavi Street, Jerusalem, in the main sanctuary.  The broadcast, as well as our lessons posted from now on - are Mac and iPod compatible. If you tune in too early to the live broadcast link, you'll be sent to the main page of the Breslev Israel website, so try to tune in on time as follows:

7:00 AM in LA and the West Coast, 8:00 AM Denver, 9:00 AM Mexico and Central Daylight, 10 AM EDT, 3 PM in the UK, 5:00 PM Johannesburg and Capetown, 5:00 PM Israel. G-d willing, we'll try and post a link to the lesson for all those who couldn't see it live by 12:o1 AM Monday morning. If you can't see the broadcast, you might need to download a new version of Flash Media player, which you can do here. I hope you'll enjoy it!

With Blessings,

Dr. Zev Ballen

 

Learning From Each Other

Research shows we prefer people like ourselves - but we actually grow more spiritually from people who are not like us. A father and son with "apparently" very different styles were put into the same family to complete something in each other - but they could only start doing that once they were no longer opposing each other. Read more about them my latest article, Different or Same courtesy of Breslev Israel.

Have a Great Week!

Dr. Zev Ballen

Courage - A live Broadcast

 

 

image credit:  m@percy

A big part of learning to be courageous is the decision to be courageous even when you're still scared. Courage doesn't always mean being fearless but it does mean knowing what to do with ones fears. Today, we'll speak about the courage to connect with those people in our families who have been the most challenging for us to connect with. In order to bridge the gap in these relationships we'll need to draw upon a Faith, courage and strength that will expand our model of love and enable us to love more deeply, consistently and unconditionally than most of us thought was possible.

G-d Willing you can see the broadcast today, Wednesday at 5:00 PM Israel time at the Chut Shel Chessed Yeshiva, 13 Shmuel Hanavi Street, Jerusalem, in the main sanctuary.  The broadcast, as well as our lessons posted from now on - are Mac and iPod compatible. If you tune in too early to the live broadcast link, you'll be sent to the main page of the Breslev Israel website, so try to tune in on time as follows:

7:00 AM in LA and the West Coast, 8:00 AM Denver, 9:00 AM Mexico and Central Daylight, 10 AM EDT, 3 PM in the UK, 5:00 PM Johannesburg and Capetown, 5:00 PM Israel. As soon as we can, G-d willing, we'll post a link to the lesson for all those who couldn't see it live. If you can't see the broadcast, you might need to download a new version of Flash Media player, which you can do here. I really hope you can join me for the broadcast

With Blessings,

Dr. Zev Ballen