Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai said about himself before he left this world: "During all the days when I was in this world, I was bound together with the Holy One, Blessed be He, in a single, indivisible bond, and now as a result of my attachment to him, His desire is for me."
So too with each of us. If we will take the initiative to search for G-d, who is the essence of goodness in ourselves and our lives, then G-d will find ways to be close to us, and He will illuminate us with His light. This is the subject of today's live broadcast. I hope that you can join me!
G-d Willing we'll be broadcasting today's lesson live from the Chut Shel Chesed Yeshiva in Jerusalem at 5:00 PM Israel time. The broadcast, as well as my lessons posted are Mac and iPod compatible. If you tune in too early to the live broadcast link, you'll be sent to the main page of the Breslev Israel website, so try to tune in as follows: 10:00 AM in NY; 7:00 AM in LA and the West Coast, 8:00 AM Denver, 10:00 AM Mexico and Central Daylight; 3:00PM in the UK, 5:00 PM Johannesburg and Capetown, 5:00 PM Israel. G-d willing, we'll try and post a link to the lesson for all those who couldn't see it live by 12:01 AM Monday (Israel time).
If you can't see the broadcast, you might need to download a new version of Flash Media player, which you can do here. We hope you enjoy the broadcast.
With blessings,
Dr. Zev Ballen
photo credit: nicholsonsjewellers.co.uk
What makes a successful or failed relationship? How can people get closer to each other, and more committed to each other, over time? What really causes strife between two people?
We're going to look at these questions, and others, now, to see if we can really get underneath what's going on in our relationships. The first thing to understand is that people speak in code all the time. They don't just come out and tell you what's bothering them - instead, we get a whole bunch of clues and hints, some of which aren't even verbal.
Circular Patterns
Let's take an example: There's a businessman who's having a hard time. The recession has hit, and he's overstocked on merchandise. All of a sudden, the business that he's been building up for years starts sinking. In the meantime, he promised his wife a certain standard of living when they got married, and now he can't deliver on what he promised.
The problem didn't start with the business sinking. The problem started right back at the beginning of the marriage, when the man made a lot of mistakes and failed to treat his wife like an adult, and a real partner in his life. He didn't share what's really going on in his life, in his head, and make her feel important and significant and valued as a person in her own right.
He figured he'd let his money do the talking for him - which kind of worked when he had the money to give her. But now? Now she's feeling left out and resentful and angry. As a result, she's continuing to spend the money that they don't have - and that she doesn't even really want to be spending!
Why is this happening?
It's happening because the husband is failing to meet the wife's deeper needs. It looks like they are fighting over the money, but really, that's a minor detail. When he's telling his wife that they don't have the money, and he's rebuking her for overspending, what he's really saying is that he feels his wife is somehow sabotaging him, and that she doesn't want his efforts to turn things around economically to succeed. He's telling her that she's making him feel as though he's a failure.
In return, the wife feels even less loved and even more punished by her husband, and we have a classic circular pattern which just keeps going round and round, making both sides crazier and crazier.
No one can stand the pain and discomfort and reinforced negativity of being in a circular pattern for long. Let's remember: they aren't really fighting about the money. Once the husband realizes that his wife has some deeper needs that he hasn't been fulfilling since way back when they first got married, he'll start trying to fulfill them. And when he does, the money issue all but disappears. It's practically gone. Why? Because now, the wife is receiving much more...Continue reading here...
photo by: hl4rbc
Research has shown that people who expect to be liked by others are received with greater warmth and acceptance that those who anticipate rejection. The reason is fairly intuitive. If I believe that you will accept me, I'm going to treat you with more warmth and as a result you'll like me more. When we anticipate rejection we then act less friendly towards others and consequently they don't like us as much.
From a spiritual perspective, the person who demonstrates his emuna, his faith in G-d, by expecting and anticipating acceptance and good will from others is rewarded from Above with more social success. The researchers coined a quasi mystical term to explain their finding. They call it "acceptance prophecy." That sounds nice. But you really don't have to be a prophet to make friends, you just need to believe in G-d and He'll send you the nice kind people that you believe He wants to send you.
Now take a moment and ponder this: Okay, science has shown that social optimism works (with people!) So if people, with all their flaws, reciprocate warmth when you expect them to do so, how much more will G-d, in His perfection desire to reciprocate warmth, and love, and health and livelihood, and well-behaved kids, and wisdom - if you just believe in Him?!
Photo by Himanshu Khagta
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Let's talk a bit about authenticity. Authenticity describes the way we act towards ourselves, and to G-d, with the focus on how we need to be in order for us to be happy, and to be happily serving G-d. Don't stop here - there are so many more articles to choose from courtesy of Breslev Israel: Avi's Party - By Rabbi Shalom Arush Instant Genius - By Rabbi Lazer Brody The Carob-Tree Mentality - By Tal Rotem The Dress - By Rivka Levy Divine Soul, Divine Body - By Yael Karni Playing With Fire - By Racheli Reckles Go For It - Yehudit Bell My Purim Miracle - By Chaya Golda Ovadia Efrat: Little America - By Dovber HaLevi Beyond Logic - By Rabbi David Charlop Bye the way, if you'd like to be friends on facebook don't be shy. All you've got to do is request it here! With Blessings, Dr. Zev Ballen |
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