Emuna Therapy

The Face

By Dr. Zev Ballen

Growing up I seemed to be socially well-adjusted. my grades were decent, I played varsity basketball and was a popular kid. 
 
I must have looked happy too -  at least that's what my friends wrote in my yearbook.
 
The truth is that I felt far from true happiness and true friendship. - I put on a smiling 'face' - but the real me was hiding. That's what my therapist told me. She said that I was  proficient at 'hiding' myself so that no one could know who I was - including her.

What causes one to live painfully in emotional isolation rather than to share oneself more completely with others? My therapist explained that I had a fear of being rejected by others. She told me that I had a pathological need to exaggerate my 'desirable' qualities so that others would not see the rest of me.
 
It's taken years for me to realize that instead of urging me find my hypothetical 'real self,' my therapist should have been telling  me to get married already. 
 
When I found my wife, I found myself.
 
It was only through marriage that Hashem took away my 'fears of rejection' and taught me how to feel loved and accepted for who I am. That's why the Torah prescribes early marriage - before twenty if possible.
 
What does the Torah mean when it says that 'Abraham was one?'
 
It means that he didn't have friends apart from those souls (the converts) that he and Sarah brought close to Hashem. Otherwise, Abraham was one with Hashem. 
 
I wondered how Avraham could be close with Sarah if he was always with Hashem?
 
Aside for the commandment to have children, what is the purpose of getting married if one is supposed to be with Hashem? Doesn't the considerable time that I spend with my wife take away from fulfilling my main purpose of being close with Hashem?
 
The answer is no. 
 
Our sages say that there is no better way to come close to Hashem in this world than through marriage. Our sages used to call their wives 'shechina' which is a reference to Hashem's Divine presence. For a man, Hashem dwells in his wife.
 
Sometime after his wife passed away, Reb Aryeh Levine got into a cab. The driver asked him where his home was. The tzaddik answered that since his wife passed away he no longer had a home - he just had a house. 
 
Before I was married, I thought that there was something wrong with me because I didn't have a deep and meaningful relationship with someone. According to my therapist I was missing something. I lacked 'depth.' So we spent years searching for my 'depth' and my 'real self.' 
 
But It was through marriage - not therapy - that I found my depth and my true completed self. It has been through marriage and not therapy that I have shed my emotional isolation, shyness and feelings of insecurity.
 
Hashem invests a special power to complete a person in the marital relationship that one cannot find anywhere else. 
 
It's true that before I was married I was far from true happiness - that I put on a happy 'face' for the world to see.
 
But not for the reasons that my therapist pontificated.
 
I was not isolated due to some theoretical flaw in my personality. Continue here...

Blessings for a great week and a great month of Elul,

Dr. Zev Ballen

 

Emuna and Creativity

By Dr. Zev Ballen

Psychologists have studied hundreds of brilliant and creative people. Yet when these people were asked how they came up with their novel ideas, none of them could explain how they did it. Do we need creativity to serve Hashem? Tune in and find out. 

 

With Blessings,

Dr. Zev Ballen

Rebbe

By Dr. Zev Ballen

For a long time, I've known in a vague way, that there is something in me that I was meant to share with others - some type of contribution that I was supposed to make. I could never quite grasp it, articulate it or even believe in it. Now and again I got a flickering image of myself fulfilling my purpose only to dismiss it quickly as impossible - not because I didn't believe in my purpose, but because I didn't believe in myself.  
 
I've had more psychotherapy and psychoanalysis than I care to admit. The theme was always the same - feeling inadequate. All of my therapists were expertly trained to see my 'inadequacy' but none of them saw much more than this.
 
When we were newlyweds, my wife saw my 'passion.' When you marry the right person, that person believes in you. In my case there were years of detours, avoidances, and suppressions of my purpose. But even at my lowest point - my wife believed that there was something meaningful that I was meant to do. 
 
It started with the Garden of Emuna by Rabbi Shalom Arush - the book shook me out of my lethargy. For several hours straight I forgot about my 'inadequacy.' The book filled me with wonder and fresh hope. My 'passion' for something was ignited. 
 
From there, I found Lazer Beams and became a Beams junky. During one of my first binges on the Beams, I spent most of a day and night watching Rabbi Lazer Brody's videos. These videos caught me off guard, and shook me further from my habitual spiritual slumber. I became absorbed in his every word! I experienced the delight of what psychologists call the 'flow state' -  it is an optimum state of feeling fully alive. I was totally engaged in what I was doing with my whole being. I used to watch the videos twice. The first time, I let it play straight through in order to get the flow of the lesson. On the second watching, I paused it frequently in order to take notes. Every word was a pearl.
 
Rabbi Brody's message was strong, clear and quintessentially practical. The greatest lesson that he ever gave and still gives - is himself. Through his personal example, Rabbi Brody taught me how to attach myself to Rav Arush. 
 
I stopped listening to  beautiful speeches from Rabbis, however brilliant,  whose behavior didn't match up to their oratory. Yes - Rabbi Brody also speaks beautifully and is very learned - but what pulled me in more than anything was just him.  Hours passed in the blink of an eye. Intrinsically I knew what I was doing was important for my life. I became less conscious of me. While I watched, I hardly ate, drank or slept. 
 
My wife agreed...after searching high and low for a spiritual guide - this one was a 'keeper!'
 
So that's how I found 'Rebbe,' which is what I call him to this day. There isn't a word in English that can describe what it means to call someone your Rebbe: spiritual father, teacher, mentor, coach, role-model, authority figure, therapist, Rabbi,  - they all fall short.
 
Soon it became clear that it wasn't enough to have a cyber-Rebbe - however wonderful. Although I was feeling better than before, I was still having some dramatic lows.
 
The question was how was I going to begin to live with emuna and not just read about it? Hashem sent me a wonderful teacher with real emuna - but He didn't send me a Rebbe for entertainment alone. Clearly I wasn't going to learn emuna through cyber-space-osmosis. I had to do something more. But what? 
 
The answers didn't come with one flash of lightning. It took time but I realized that G-d wanted me to help my Rebbe - to serve him. 
 
That wasn't going to be easy. He was very sought after; We lived on opposite sides of the world; and he had no idea who I was!  - But a Rebbe can't be a Rebbe without a talmid (a student) - the thought was consoling.
 
I prayed.
 
And G-d took care of everything. His fame and the distance between us turned out to be inconsequential.  
 
When I came to Jerusalem I met Rebbe in person. I started to work for him and to learn from him up close. Soon I saw that as much as I had studied him on film, I was not prepared for what he was like in person. When I sat with him for the first time, I knew that he was ten steps ahead of me. I could see that he understood everything about me in the first few minutes. Yet he was incredibly simple, humble and kind. He held my hand the whole time that we spoke. I can feel it right now - it was a gift for life.
 
What amazed me most was that in one short meeting, my Rebbe could see that special 'something' in me that neither I nor my therapists could grasp. From the moment he met me, that chronic flickering image of my life's purpose was crystal clear to him. My Rebbe saw my purpose and that I didn't believe in it.
 
In private, my Rebbe is a man of few words - yes he is busy - but it's also his nature to be concise. He is extremely warm and reliable but refuses to coddle: 'Zev, I wish you believed in yourself the way I believe in you'; 'Zev, I know that you still don't believe in yourself'; 'Zev - cut it out -  I won't allow you to doubt yourself!' Continue here...

With Blessings,

Dr. Zev Ballen
 

Live Broadcast: Self-Control Strategies

 

Self-control is vital to our success. Find out how the "science" of self-control which emphasizes fighting with your unconsious differs from the way of Emuna.

With Hashem's Loving Kindness, we will be broadcasting live today, Wednesday at 5:00pm Israel time from the Chut Shel Chesed Yeshiva, 13 Shmuel Hanavi Street, Jerusalem.

 You can see it right here. The broadcast, as well as our lessons posted from now on - are Mac and iPod compatible. If you tune in too early to the live broadcast link, you'll be sent to the main page of the Breslev Israel website, so try to tune in on time as follows:

10:AM in NY, 7:00 AM in LA and the West Coast, 8:00 AM Denver, 9:00 AM in Mexico and Central Daylight, 3:00 PM in the UK, and 5:00 PM Israel time. If you are not able to watch the lesson live, we will, G-d willing be posting a link to it soon. If you can't see the broadcast, you might need to download a new version of Flash Media player which you can do here. We hope you enjoy the broadcast.

Wishing You Blessings Always,

Dr. Zev Ballen

 photo credit: happyarm

 

 

 

What is Emuna Therapy?

By Dr. Zev Ballen

Emuna Therapy has discarded the medical model of treatment; as a spiritual-educational approach to healing, we wish to remove the stigma of labels such as 'patient' and 'client.' Unfortunately some people have identified themselves so strongly with these labels that the identification continues within them indefinitely.

Although a psychotherapist cannot function like an actual parent, Rabbi Arush says that all of us have a parental-like responsibility to each other that is not limited to our biological offspring. As such, Emuna Therapists adhere to the same guidelines that Rabbi Arush establishes for parents: refraining from  criticism and rebuke; creating a wall-of protection around the person seeking help; self-sacrifice, loving-kindness; and feeling ones mission to bring others closer to Hashem -  mainly through personal example.

The principle that a parent can only give to his children what he himself has holds equally true in a therapy relationship. It is therefore essential that the Emuna Therapist be a person who speaks to Hashem for at least one hour a day and is a peaceful person who is happy with with his lot. 

Wishing you Blessings Always,

Dr. Zev Ballen

My Rebbe's Smile

By Dr. Zev Ballen

My Rebbe's smile is so beautiful and so real; lately I've been wondering about it.  The world is filled with beautiful people with beautiful smiles, but somehow when Rabbi Shalom Arush smiles - you feel something different - it's hard to describe. I've seen the 'confident' smiles of the wealthy and even of those rich in Torah scholarship - but my Rebbe does not smile like they do either.  I don't think I ever saw a real smile until I saw his.
 
What is his secret? What makes Rabbi Shalom so happy?  Does his pleasure come from being a best-selling author? No. He smiled before this.  Is he proud of the Torah institutions that he has built? No. He smiled before this. Is he smiling about his financial success, after years of poverty and debt? No. He smiled before this. Maybe Rabbi Shalom can smile as he does because he is proud of his achievements in learning or because of the beautiful children he has. No. He smiled before all of these. 
 
So what in the world is he smiling about?
 
I think that my Rebbe is smiling because he knows the deepest Truth about life and it just keeps nurturing him and giving him more and more pleasure all the time. He found this Truth when he was poor and unknown.  He realized that G-d is good and that He is the One Reality. Once my Rebbe saw that everything is G-d, it became impossible for him to complain about anything. He saw how much he had, and was grateful for it all.  Life became joyous, calm, sweet and worry-free. There were no more problems. There was only good.  My Rebbe's smile expresses his total and complete centeredness in Truth. When he smiles, he also wants nothing more than to share the Truth with you.  His passion to give can be found in his every intention; thought; movement and word. He has forfeited the illusion of 'self.' He is a limb of Hashem in this world. 
 
Imagine, for fun, how a Holy person would score on a 'cutting edge' 'highly reliable and valid' personality inventory.  The doctors would laugh at him like people laughed at the pure and simple man in Rebbe Nachman's story of The Wise Man and the Simple Man.  There are no psychological categories that can contain holiness.  If a tzaddik took a personality test, G-d forbid, he might appear psychotic, schizoid, isolative, obsessive, or grandiose. Continue reading here...

 

Wishing You Blessing Always,

Dr. Zev Ballen

Making the Right Choices

Philosophers  are expert at identifying problems; unfortunately they're very short on answers: They say that man is in  'existential crisis' due to the problem of 'freedom' and 'over-choice,' but they can't even help themselves! If they would only watch this, they would see the simple solution. 

- Dr. Zev Ballen

 

Holy Woman

 

A 38 week pregnant widow with six orphaned boys becomes holier and holier with each successful test that she passes:  domestic violence, marital betrayal, her husband's suicide and ultimately a fire that has left  her with nothing but Rabbi Shalom Arush and Hashem. Don't miss this one!

With Hashem's Loving Mercy, we will be broadcasting live today, Wednesday at 5:00pm Israel time from the Chut Shel Chessed Yeshiva, 13 Shmuel Hanavi Street, Jerusalem. The broadcast, as well as our lessons posted from now on - are Mac and iPod compatible. If you tune in too early to the live broadcast link, you'll be sent to the main page of the Breslev Israel website, so try to tune in on time as follows:

10:AM in NY, 7:00 AM in LA and the West Coast, 8:00 AM Denver, 9:00 AM in Mexico and Central Daylight, 3:00 PM in the UK, and 5:00 PM Israel time. If you are not able to watch the lesson live, we will, G-d willing be posting a link to it soon. If you can't see the broadcast, you might need to download a new version of Flash Media player, which you can do here. We hope you enjoy the broadcast.

Wishing you Blessings Always,

Dr. Zev Ballen

Imagine, Only Good Thoughts

 

 

In this classic footage of Rabbi Shalom Arush that was filmed and translated by Rav Lazer Brody, the Rav reveals how he worked on himself to become a person who enjoys only wonderful wholesome thoughts and has no negative thoughts whatsoever. In these precious eight minutes, the Rav reveals the essence of Emuna Therapy and how it differs from secular therapy. Based on a teaching of Rebbe Nachman of Breslev, the Rav explains that a person is essentially made up of his thoughts and that the goal must be to overcome unwholesome thoughts with good thoughts.  The failure of secular therapy results from people trying to battle against bad thoughts on their own. The Rav says that we can only succeed by inputting a large amount of new information from outside of ourselves (the Torah). Then we will start thinking differently. The Rav admits that when he first started out, as a young bal teshuva, he too had many bad and unwholesome thoughts but that he didn't confuse himself and pressure himself about this. Instead he accepted that this was the level that he was on and simply decided that he had to study and work hard to put good data into his brain. He was successful because he programmed himself like a computer with a large amount of "new data" about emuna. By immersing ourselves in learning about emuna and talking to Hashem, the Rav says that we too can be completely free of negativity. Enjoy!

Wishing you Blessings Always,

Dr. Zev Ballen

 

Cognitive Dissonance

By Dr. Zev Ballen

Moshe is a mentally sharp 92 year old secular Jew – a retired attorney. Moshe takes a copy of the Garden of Emuna down from his neighbor’s shelf and starts flipping through it like one who has examined alot of books. After a few minutes, Moshe places the book on the table and exclaims “this is an excellent book! – it’s very well written.”

The neighbor says, “So take it Moshe – you can keep it!”

Moshe answers: “No - it's not for me.”

Puzzled by Moshe’s response the neighbor continues: ”But Moshe – you obviously like it - Take it - Enjoy!”

“No - I won't enjoy it”, Moshe snapped angrily “this book will give me nothing but tzoris." (Yiddish for troubles)

“But why,” persisted the neighbor – still perplexed.

“Because”, said Moshe, “it’s too late for me – I’ve been living this way my whole life – at my age, this book is dangerous – even if it is true! Now leave me alone!”

A Jewish soul is an amazing endowment – imagine - even after being deprived of Torah, Shabbos, and kosher food for 92 years – it still knows the truth! Moshe doesn’t have to become a believer all at once – it would be enough if he would want to become a believer - Without that willingness, though, his soul just continues to wither away like a tree that was cut off from its roots – it still appears to be alive – but unfortunately it’s not. See the full article here.

With Blessings Always,

Dr. Zev Ballen